My Life with Dogs

I am on day five of home-boundedness. I am incredibly bored - but overly thankful for the company of my dogs.

This is a little bit of information on me and my life with my dogs, Jake Ryan (wacky ear) and Poncho Charles (little bit).

Fear No Evil, Just Mario Brothers
I am very lucky. My dogs are easy going, adaptable, loving, and chill. They either learned this from me or were created this way. They fear no one - happily greeting everyone who comes to the door - to the point where it's embarrassing!

The other night I'm playing Super Mario Bros and there is a barking bomb on a chain. This sends Poncho into a tizzy. His 12-pound body pops up from a dead sleep and he surveys the room. Finding nothing, he runs outside and howls and barks. This causes Jake Ryan to look at me and say, "Mom, he's an idiot." I always ask Jake Ryan to go get Poncho, but he's far too busy being stubborn to cooperate. I suck so bad at SMB that it takes forever to get past this "world." Eventually the game offers Luigi's help.

During their lives, I have gotten them various toys just to scare them and see how they'd react. One such toy is a cat that looks just like them; it cackles and spins. It is usually "on" but is motion activated. Just to be a bitch, I'll randomly turn it off - after it's been on and they've mastered how to activate the cackle. Pavlov would be disappointed. This morning, I'm waking up and the cat cackles, from the kitchen. I go get the cat and turn it off, which due to the switch location is like preparing to give it a pap smear. This is why I leave it on most the time. I'm a 36-year-old single DOG LADY. Sticking my finger up a toy cat is a bit unsettling.


I wish my dogs had oppose-able thumbs - so they could get me a box of tissues. I'm tired of blowing my nose into my sleeve. I would teach them to clean - and make them aprons so they wouldn't get dirty when cleaning. Although they hate their snuggies, so I can't image they'd be too keen on the aprons. But, it's worth a shot.


Poncho actually talks. This is going to sound odd to most people. But what's even better is that I respond. Yes, we have conversations. He, although he's a German dog, has a Mexican accent. Jake Ryan speaks like Barry White. Both think my ass looks great every time I ask. And they hate my obsession with ghost shows. I have started feeding them a mixture of wet and dry food - and this produces foul gas. Gag producing gas. But I continually put their happiness on my priority list. On - not atop - just on.

So as I'm planning my life and the next step, I keep wondering how they'll react to the potential move. It's not going to be easy and it's not going to be cheap. Some places want and extra $100/month for the privilege of having them with me. And I think, "Aww, if you got to know them, you'd pay me for having them. After all, they'll keep you safe from bombs on chains that bark like dogs." Parks and back yards aren't as plentiful either. But these concerns are a long way away. Round 1 isn't even done yet. And no, I won't elaborate. If you know you know - if you don't, you don't. I made it that way.

But I do imagine that day - packing them in the car and pulling out of town. How will I explain the change to them? How will they manage? I think heavily on these things. But then there are moments like right now, when they're snuggled up next to each other, barely touching, but joined at the cheek.

I ask Poncho how he feels about the move. "Mah, we'll be fine. We're a family. I only need you and Jake." I sigh. I mean, he is right. And while I may be leaving my people family for a brief time, my life's loves will be beside me through it. I made it that way.

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