Well. That was stupid

Do you ever have a brilliant idea that is paired with your ability to think, "Why yes, I can do just about anything"?

That moment hit me about 8:45 p.m. as I was leaving family dinner and heading home. Jake and Poncho had explored the area surrounding the Tee of Hole 4 at the Grande Highlands Course while the family enjoyed a great dinner. During their adventure, they found sticky bushes. They were covered in sticky things. With a week before their grooming appointment and Alabama summer upon us, I decided to swing by Wal-Mart and buy a grooming kit. I could kill two birds with one razor: get the sticky things off their fur and give them a trim to get them through the next week.

I would like to think my overly positive outlook on life really needs to be adjusted.

The event went like this: I hoisted Poncho (12 pounder who must have smoked a lot of pot in his last life because he is the most laid back dog ever) up on the ironing board, with NO DROP Cloth. I opened the new grooming kit, looked at the tools and skipped the directions (typical Allison). He was a little unsure of the whole situation at first, but in Poncho style just let me do my thing. The head was not to be touched. I honored his fear, trimmed his paws and sent him on his way.

Jake Ryan would not have any part of this. I can't really remember how it all went down...I had him on the kitchen floor, again, no drop cloth. I started with his back and the fight began. Jake and I have been together FOUR YEARS and we've never fought. He was easy to train, easy to live with and so easy to love. Jake is a good dog and even though most schnauzers are high energy and will chase down older people, Jake will come up and offer his head for your petting pleasure. I love that damn dog. I was taken aback when he jumped and twirled around, forcing me to grasp his collar tighter. It took about 10 minutes to get his main body done. At one point I had him in a head lock while crafting a cocktail recipe in my head. This deserved an adult beverage. Once he got loose it was all over. But whatever, it's not like Dog Fancy is coming to profile his majesty anytime soon. I did corner him in the living room and used scissors to trim down his legs and paws.

In the end, they look fine. Just fine. And with the weather this week, the shaved bodies are bound to make them feel better. Plus, I think the lake is in our NEAR future.

There is of course one problem. I can't find the damn dust pan. While all their hair is swept into two piles: kitchen and living room, I can't scoop it up all the way. So if I should die before they get scooped up, when the officials come to find me, please don't judge. I couldn't take time to finish the job. This girl needed a cocktail.


  1. Great stuff, as usual. I actually felt like I was reliving a moment with my own "Jake". In my case, Jake is a 9 lb chihuahua mix, and hates nail clipping time. Everytime I get near with toe clippers I am reminded why I named her Atilla


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