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Sunday, July 25, 2010

Well. That was stupid

Do you ever have a brilliant idea that is paired with your ability to think, "Why yes, I can do just about anything"?

That moment hit me about 8:45 p.m. as I was leaving family dinner and heading home. Jake and Poncho had explored the area surrounding the Tee of Hole 4 at the Grande Highlands Course while the family enjoyed a great dinner. During their adventure, they found sticky bushes. They were covered in sticky things. With a week before their grooming appointment and Alabama summer upon us, I decided to swing by Wal-Mart and buy a grooming kit. I could kill two birds with one razor: get the sticky things off their fur and give them a trim to get them through the next week.

I would like to think my overly positive outlook on life really needs to be adjusted.

The event went like this: I hoisted Poncho (12 pounder who must have smoked a lot of pot in his last life because he is the most laid back dog ever) up on the ironing board, with NO DROP Cloth. I opened the new grooming kit, looked at the tools and skipped the directions (typical Allison). He was a little unsure of the whole situation at first, but in Poncho style just let me do my thing. The head was not to be touched. I honored his fear, trimmed his paws and sent him on his way.

Jake Ryan would not have any part of this. I can't really remember how it all went down...I had him on the kitchen floor, again, no drop cloth. I started with his back and the fight began. Jake and I have been together FOUR YEARS and we've never fought. He was easy to train, easy to live with and so easy to love. Jake is a good dog and even though most schnauzers are high energy and will chase down older people, Jake will come up and offer his head for your petting pleasure. I love that damn dog. I was taken aback when he jumped and twirled around, forcing me to grasp his collar tighter. It took about 10 minutes to get his main body done. At one point I had him in a head lock while crafting a cocktail recipe in my head. This deserved an adult beverage. Once he got loose it was all over. But whatever, it's not like Dog Fancy is coming to profile his majesty anytime soon. I did corner him in the living room and used scissors to trim down his legs and paws.

In the end, they look fine. Just fine. And with the weather this week, the shaved bodies are bound to make them feel better. Plus, I think the lake is in our NEAR future.

There is of course one problem. I can't find the damn dust pan. While all their hair is swept into two piles: kitchen and living room, I can't scoop it up all the way. So if I should die before they get scooped up, when the officials come to find me, please don't judge. I couldn't take time to finish the job. This girl needed a cocktail.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Hello Stranger

There I was, at dinner when I got a wag of the finger: you haven't blogged since April! She was right. They all were right. I can't dispute facts.

So, what has been going on these last few months? A Shit Load.

Life is divided into categories: work, family, and friends, with love binding them together.

Work: Yeah, that whole go work in The White House for a year didn't exactly go my way. Not that I was surprised, but very disappointed. That news came in early May, the time frame I refer to as the mid-point of the vortex of crap. 2010 wasn't off to a good start anyhow: the tornado, a break-in, a rat, deaths. Clearly the holiday update letter would be a downer.

Mom came home in May and through lots of talking and crying, my job and I parted ways around Memorial Day. Since then, I've done a lot of drinking, sitting on my ass, and wondering what the future will hold.

Turns out, I get to create it all myself. Create I have! Please get acquainted with Sassy Pants Public Relations, a joint venture by Allison Gregg and Shannon Siegel. We are your public relations and community outreach team.

We have three clients and a big proposal due this week. It is amazing work: ever-changing and no coolers or snack baskets to lug around. On the radio the other day a Bud Light Salute commercial played. They were saluting the Rolling Cooler Cooler Roller. I laughed so hard when at the end, the singer said something about "the reason you're the Rolling Cooler Cooler Roller is that you have no friends..." I have rolled my share of rolling coolers. Immediately thanks went out to Scott Smith for being my Rolling Cooler Cooler Rolling support system.

What category is next? Family. Family has three circles: At the center is Jake Ryan, Poncho, and me; the next circle is mom, brothers, their wife/gf, and nephew Ethan; the larger circle is made up of Aunts, Uncle, Cousins. I really do love my family and they sure have been supportive these last few months.

But at age 36, I want more. As such, I am starting a "Who Wants to be My Baby Daddy?" contest. Yes, the maternal and wife gene has finally started to work. Right now I have one contestant in the Baby Daddy section of the competition, but no Husband Contestant. BD Contestants will have to answer an extensive questionnaire that will cover issues like:
1. How often do you ride a bike?
2. Boxers or Briefs?
3. What kind of baby experience do you have?
4. Do you plan to move out of the area?

As for the HC, the questions will be a little more extensive and range from music preferences to adoration for me. I just know we'll find a winner eventually.

Last - friends...who would we be without them? Who else would lay on the floor and eat crackers with you? Who else would refill your sand holes? Who else would send you love when you need it the most? Or pick on your crazy flaws with humor and honesty? Our friends are an amazing thing. Whether they're wagging their finger at me or designing AG logo accessories, friends rock. But wait, there's more!!!!

I am eternally grateful for my friends that have had babies. I love me some babies. I've spent a lot of time snuggling and burping little Charles Ayres. His momma and I delve into life's greatest issues while the little guy gets used to this world. When looking into his face, it becomes apparent that the greatest gift God gives us is love.

Love comes in so many forms: work, family, dogs, and friends. But the greatest love resides in the heart of child who, at three weeks into his amazing journey, rests peacefully in my arms.

Now, I just gotta go get me one!