It's Been A Long Time

Greetings. It's been awhile. Nearly three months since I last posted a blog.

It's been a rough week. I'm not sure where to start. Since Julie is the only reader and she already knows everything about me...I'll just pick up like no time has passed. Here are a few things that have happend these past few weeks.

The guy standing in front of the banana stand at the grocery store was lingering a little too long. I spotted him as I was making a bee-line for the bananas. His large body swayed. His head moved as he examined the offerings. I didn't have time for him. I waltzed up, picked a bunch and went on my way. Three minutes later as I was perusing the mixed nuts Mr. Banana comes up to me. "How did you do that? How did you pick your bananas so quickly?"

I wanted to say "I have seen a lot of banana shaped items, so I can pick 'em like a pro." I chuckled to myself as I held my tongue. "I've just got a good eye," I said with a smile.

"You must."

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I was one of eight people attending our weekly meeting. Only four were really engaged in the conversation. They were talking over my head about things I didn't grasp, using acronyms and abbreviations carelessly. If I wasn't nursing the world's worst hangover, I could have faked attention. My head was swirling with the apologies I needed to render. My stomach was sour. My eyes fought the urge to shut. This is why I can't drink anymore.

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After three months of intense working out, my clothes no longer fit. It's pathetic the way my pants sag. I've got enough room in my crotch to fit a small child. It's time to go shopping. I'm way too frugal to spend money on clothes. Instead I fill my virtual carts at places like Nordstroms and JCrew. Each item picked conjures up a vision of where I'd go when wearing it. I look great in everything. The shoes are comfortable. I never spill or stain any of it. Then I pulled my head out of the computer and see that I've got a pile of clean clothes to be put away overflowing on the green chair. Fantasy is so much more fun.
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Still with me? Good. I had a phone interview for a job in Gulf Shores this week. I was really interested in the job - it's be doing community relations for BP. I love the work I am doing up here in Decatur. But I've always wanted to live at the beach. I've literally dreamt of it for a decade. The interview went well, but I realized they really need someone from the Gulf area to do the work. I have no connections in that area. Feeling deflated I hung up the phone and refocused on my work. At least I tried. The next day my Nanny was put in the hospital. As I was walking through the parking deck, my brother relayed the news that I'd be an aunt again. It was a swirl of emotions. Deflated, worried, excited, hopeful, confused, and inspired. I can't wait for the new addition. Around the trn of the year, I dreamt we'd have a new baby by Christmas 2011. Since I was told I shouldn't have kids, I knew I was out of the mommy running. Funny how some dreams come true. I left the hospital tonight and absolutely fell apart. I heaved and sobbed in the car, snot running down my face, sick to my stomach. My emotional tank was empty. I know Nanny will be okay. The woman is so well preserved that she'll outlive us all. I know I wasn't supposed to get the job in the Gulf, my life in Huntsville is too good. I am thrilled to welcome a new niece or nephew, but mourn the reality of my future parenting opportnity. Ahh reality, you're a tough pill to swallow.

I'll stick to what I know - picking bananas, staying awake in meetings, filling my cart with fabulous clothes and listening my dreams.

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